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Memorial Day 2021

Today represents the end of May. For the kids, in person school has ended for the summer and now they get to recover from the stress of school, the stress from COVID, and lockdowns. A feeling of hopelessness is replaced with a return to normal? I have received the vaccine. My daughter has received the vaccine. My son has had his first shot and the second one will happen next week.

For the summer I expect that daughter will get outside and spend her time riding. Hopefully she will feel a return to normal when competitions resume but that is compounded by having to learn to ride on a new horse. But I also hope that she spends time with photography and art. Son is a wee bit more of a problem in that his love is video games. Hopefully I can get him interested in some other things. I am thinking maybe some computer programming, maybe robotics, or flying his drone.

For me this is my summer to ponder the future. I need to finalize a plan and execute that plan. Work is changing and none of it for the better. I feel that stress and can no longer handle it. So it is time for me to do something else. As I have been contemplating the next cycle of my life, what will keep me occupied? What will keep me thinking? What will keep me motivated? Learning? Expanding? Old hobbies? New hobbies?

I was glad to see somewhat a return to normalcy when the New Mexico Gambling establishments (aka casino’s) have reopened. That said, I see that I still possess bad luck when I entered one yesterday for the first time in over 14 months. My losing streak continues.

For me, work has been normal for months as I have been in the office daily. In the past several weeks, I have been out for coffee, been to a restaurant to eat, had beers at a brewery with a friend. So I guess things are returning to normal.

Saturday. Out for beer with a friend.

Saturday was great. It was beautiful outside. The sky was blue, the beer was cold. The conversation was great. Most relaxed that I have felt in a long time. Laughed many times, got stomped in 80’s music trivia and after a few beers, didn’t dance on the tables.

Sunday. A walk and waiting for a coworker for morning coffee.

But the scars are long and deep. This pandemic makes no sense. It is clear that it started elsewhere. It is clear that governments failed to act, behaved selfishly, let it spread without consequence. The current clowns in charge of our government have done more in four months than a virus could to destroy this country in fourteen.

So for me, Memorial day is not just “a long weekend”. This is my second post of this holiday, as I posted in 2019. I just looked at that post as I was finishing the edit of this post. The picture below is almost identical to my post from then.

While it is a time to remember those who served and gave their life in the ultimate sacrifice, so too must we remember the calamity of the last year. We must understand why. We must understand why so we do not have to experience it again. If this was sprung as a weapon, then the evil that created it must answer for the crimes that they unleashed on the world. If it was natural, that must also be understood so as to avoid the pain and death that was inflicted upon the nations of the planet in a future event.

Monday. A display of the flag. Remembering those who sacrificed for our country.

So it has been a few weeks since my last post. I need to work on spending more time posting here. To that end, I have cancelled my Facebook account. Nothing gets me more angry than the garbage the emanates from the left. It is a stress that is manipulated by the left-leaning Facebook clowns who control what we think, what we say, and ultimately what we feel. I have a right to agree, or to disagree and to communicate my position. That is no longer a position that can be tolerated by the big technology companies. So I will stay away from them. I will not allow them to earn money from what I read, what I write, what I post. I pay to write this, to maintain this blog. As readers, you can choose to read, to comment, to return for something new, or not return at all.

I hope that everyone has a great day and that they and their loved ones are safe, health and secure. Until next time.

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Today is Saturday March 20, 2021

Today it managed to get into the middle 60’s. It was a beautiful spring day. Some wind but I think it is the first day of spring!. Some snow remaining on the mountains. Time is just flying by; with spring comes flowers, green grass and allergies.

WOW! I knew that it had been a few months since I last entered TheMcKeeSpot. But I did not think that it was at the end of December since my last post. Well I guess we have much to discuss. Where shall I begin…

Let’s start with the fact that I have been at Los Alamos for 30 years, 3 months and a few days. Wild. For my 30 years of service I got this very nice piece of Nambeware. I had previously wrote about this on my post of November 8, 2020, explaining the history of Nambeware.

My Nambeware for 30 years of service.

I have several pieces around the house. This is probably the largest piece that I own. Guess I can use it as a serving dish when I entertain those parties, Ha Ha Ha. Like the other pieces around the house, they just basically sit around and collect dust.

So on the horse front, Ruby is still with us but remains hobbled with her injury. So now we have Willow. Yes, we got a second horse. That had me remodeling the middle barn at the stables in the snow so that we could accommodate the second horse. Ruby was moved to the middle barn and the new paddock there.

From l to r: Ruby in her new paddock at the middle barn. Constructing the new stall at the middle barn. Welcome Willow.

Ruby was moved because when Willow arrived, she would not settle down. She just kept prancing back and forth. Moving her let her be closer to the front and she stopped pacing back and forth. They are both mares and it may take awhile for them to get along. Ruby is a quarter horse whereas Willow is a thoroughbred. They look alike in my opinion except Ruby has more brown color compared to Willow. Also, Willow stands several hands taller than Ruby.

The kids with Ruby and Willow (before swapping paddocks).

Still working at the lab. Of late it has been longer hours. Working longer but getting less accomplished. I really hate that but it appears to be the new normal, at least as far as work is concerned. Got a call from a former boss the other day inquiring if I would talk to a friend of his who works for a small company in Albuquerque, They are looking to hire people. I said that I would talk to them. Would I leave after 30 years? Unclear but the idea of something new is appealing but it would be tough as I could not move there because of the kids and everything. Still, the offer to return to doing actual Chemistry…we shall see.

COVID cases appear to be on the decline in New Mexico. Things are beginning to open up. Los Alamos County has been at the lowest level, turquoise now for a couple of weeks. Weekly cases continue to decline and things are almost back to pre-pandemic levels in terms of groups. Whether it will be a return to normal or something else is not clear. Vaccine’s appear to be slowly coming as well. Managed to get my first shot about a week ago. Sore arm for a few days. God bless President Trump and Operation Warp Speed to help mobilize the pharmaceutical industry and deliver 3 vaccines in months instead of years.

Kids are supposed to start school in person here in April. Odd that they will only be there for about 8, maybe 9 weeks then it will be summer. I think that it will be good for them to return to school and to be able to interact with friends and people their own ages. They have been locked up with little social interactions for over a year. Seems much longer than a year. Daughter will have much to do in terms of getting Willow ready for summer competitions. Not sure what son will do this summer but we need to find him something besides video games. Hoping to find him some computer-type activities like programming or such to let him see if that is interesting to him.

Tried to get sons drone that I got him for Christmas flying but one of the motors did not work. Could not open it up to repair it. Maybe I can send it to a repair place…or maybe I can buy him one that is not made in China. Emailed the company. NOTHING. Tried to recover my payment from the credit card company. NOTHING. I WILL NEVER BUY ANYTHING THAT IS ADVERTISED ON FACEBOOK AGAIN. NEVER EVER. Emailed them…silence. Must have been too busy fact checking some BS article. Also, I do not really like their new algorithms. Either many of my friends are no longer posting, or something else, I just do not know. Some of them I never see anything anymore. Perhaps they wised up and figured how much a waste of time it is.

Believe it or not but that just about catches you up on the ramblings for the past few months. No travel. Work and home, home and work. The occasional trip out to pick up food. That said, I did manage to go eat at a restaurant about 4 weeks ago. It was good just to get out of the house. Aside from my morning walks with Jewel, locked up in my office at work, or teleworking from home, I am very anxious to get out and do something. I have a birthday in about a month, so maybe I’ll get away for a few days, just to get away.

Well I will leave it here. Until next time…

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Today is Sunday December 13, 2020.

It has been two weeks since my last post. If I took a picture from my back deck, it would look remarkably identical to the picture from my post of two weeks ago. Yes we had more snow Saturday night. It is cold outside, but the sun is out. A true representation of life under the pandemic: it is stagnate.

I find myself having a quiet weekend home alone. Yesterday was the first day that I ventured out in a few months. I actually drove to Santa Fe to get some shavings for the horse. Ruby is doing well but it is cold outside. I think the last time I was in Santa Fe was when I had to take one of the kids for a dental appointment, which was back in May or June, I think. I need to get out and do something different. Even the brief trip out of the house for several hours was beneficial.

Also ventured out to get the car repaired. Found a great mechanic in Los Alamos. It was great to get an oil change where they actually put oil in the car. It was great to fix the breaks and suspension by actually putting break pads on the car and aligning the tires. I have been spending more time shopping locally, trying to keep the local small businesses IN BUSINESS.

The pandemic numbers are up again, with much of the country in dire lock downs. Los Alamos County has 206 confirmed cases, up from yesterday but I believe we are still in the RED relative to testing and population. Somehow I think we are on day 256 to slow the spread.

I have spent the past two weeks working from home again because work has seen an increase. Two teams on the project had contact with a presumed positive COVID case early last week and were sent home for quarantine. Fourteen days. It means that the project will start Christmas break with accomplishing very little as far as the project is concerned. Many of the projects are in a similar situation for the start of the fiscal year. Little progress and a bad start to a year where much has to be accomplished.

I continue to despise working from home. I should not. Rather I should consider myself fortunate to be employed and have a regular salary coming in during this pandemic. My progress in getting things done is very limited and things just continue to pile up in terms of what has to be done. It continues to add to my funk and frustration. Yet I felt that long before the pandemic. It has only exacerbated it!

I think the same could be said about the kids, who will have their last week of on-line school this week. Finals and an end to the semester that has seen nothing but lots of homework. Son has done well. Daughter not so much. The homework just keeps being pilled up on her to the point that she just doesn’t do it, or does it so as to just get a passing grade. I think that it is because she doesn’t have her usual outlet (riding Ruby) whereas he stays inside and plays video games. Not sure if they have learned anything. A whole school year down the drain. I can see the toll that not seeing their friends and in classroom learning has taken on them. While the virus has taken away many lives, it has also taken away much in terms of the soul of individuals. It will take years, if it is possible, for people who have lost, to recover.

Looking at the weekend press, I see that the current President still believes that the elections was stolen, that the Democrats are now working to rig the election in Georgia for the two open Senate seats, and that United Airlines did not let a two-year old and her family fly because the kid would not wear a mask. Penn State played a good football game, but the Ohio State-Michigan game was cancelled due to COVID. I find much of the press anymore little about telling the news. It is more about the opinion of the newscaster. Liberal, left-leaning, not consistent with my values. Very little journalism, digging into the truth. Now that it appears that Trump has not been re-elected, the fake press think that it is OK to return to trying to be fair and impartial. I actually think that they ran several stories about the Biden family and their dealing with foreign governments, tax evasion, and cashing in. From my point of view, the damage is already done. They defeated Trump and now think that all can be forgiven. I will no longer connect or read the mainstream media. I am currently deciding whether to cancel my subscription to the Wall Street Journal and save myself about $500. I find that I get much enjoyment reading the articles on Zerohedge and a few other on-line sites. I see that Zerohedge is starting an ad-free premium subscription because they were blackmailed by Google to control comments. The 1st amendment and Freedom of Speech are so under attack in this country. The cost is a dollar a day so I might have to check it out since there was a suggestion that it might focus more on financial information. I can purchase this, save money cancelling the Wall Street Journal, and feel good about someone standing up to the monopoly that is Google! At any rate, Zerohedge is so much better than the Business Insider.

Looks like Biden will start on January 20 with Obama 2.0 or the third inning, third quarter, or whatever sports analogy you want to consider. Obama 1.0 was bad enough and I am sure that the sequel will such even more. The predictions for 2021 are for the bulls to continue to run the stock market. I do not understand how this can be. I guess that I should be happy as I contemplate retirement. But businesses are going bankrupt, millions are unemployed, millions could be thrown out of their homes come January because of not being able to afford their mortgage payments for months. Our Congress continues to play games in terms of relief for the citizens. Biden’s plans for government will not help us, they will only make things worse. I will lose freedoms, I will pay more in taxes. I will see a future that is not better for my children. It will be worse.

In my post of May 17, 2020 entitled “America, Elections, FaceBook”, I found myself writing about being banned from the FaceBook for 30 days because I posted something that went against their community standards. Well reader, I find myself again banned for another post that went against their community standards. Another 30 days. It has been a great 30 days as I have diverted my attention to the site Parler. It’s not as sophisticated as FaceBook, it lacks the liberal bend in the news, the advertising is limited in that your Amazon searches or your Google searches don’t end up as feeds in your feed. I was glad to see this week that the FTC and 47 state attorney general’s sued FaceBook for its monopolistic business practices. I hope it is broken up. I hope that Google is broken up.

On February 13, 2020 I wrote about “The Tree of Liberty” and the Jefferson quote. As I sit here and continue to write today’s post, I am sipping on some Jefferson bourbon. So here’s is to all of you as Christmas will soon be upon us, peace on earth, good will towards all. The year 2021 will soon be upon us and I hope that it is better than the past year. Sadly, I am not an optimist but we will write about all of this in future ramblings of TheMcKeeSpot. Mr Spock would say “live long and prosper”. I will just bid you goodbye until next time.

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Today is Sunday November 29, 2020.

I find myself up before 4 am today. Typical of my sleep habits of late; seldom do I get more than four hours of sleep.

It has been a very lazy several days over the long Thanksgiving weekend. Outside it is cold and we even managed about one inch of snow.

Snow from the night before…

The state of New Mexico is supposed to come out of another two week COVID19 lockdown tomorrow. Over the past few days, the state has announced that it will shift to a three-tiered system in which it will impose COVID19 restrictions in each county based on its level of outbreak rather than curtailing activities statewide to slow the virus’s spread.

The new system will enable local communities to ease restrictions after public health data shows an outbreak is waning within their borders. The restrictions will be based on three colors: red will denote the highest risk of spread to yellow with green being the least restrictive. Not a return to normal as restrictions will still apply. As of today I think all counties are red with the exception of Los Alamos county.

The good news is that even a red coding is less restrictive than the current lockdown. Of the businesses that remain, they will be able to operate at 25 percent capacity as the holiday shopping season gets underway, whereas now they only can offer delivery and curbside pickup.

I don’t really understand the increase in numbers. Everywhere I turn, I see people in masks and practicing safe distancing. Maybe I am just being foolish in believing that people are remaining vigilant. For example, I know that when I take the dog for a walk on the streets, I do not wear a mask. But then again, there is nobody around me. I carry one in case but usually there is no one around when I am out walking my dog.

At the lab, COVID19 infections are also up. Again management is directing us to maximize teleworking. So, for next week I will find myself working from home, with only 5 hours onsite authorized. I expect that things will continue to be restricted for the remainder of this calendar year.

In general, I have found my productivity to decrease significantly. From bad computer connections to the ease in raiding the refrigerator, I have not enjoyed work from home. There needs to be a separation between the two. Otherwise, the lines get blurred and the whole stress of work stays with you. There is no time to relax and recharge the batteries. Many say that it is the future. Sadly, it is just another evolutionary decline in America. Because if we are able to work from home, that means that close to 170 million of us are not really creating things. We just keep moving the paper along.

While I am thankful to be employed, I can imagine how bad things are for those who are not.

I see the terrible effect that this has had on the kids. Unable to go to school and see their friends. Having to get school online offers limited socialization, the ability to have conversations with people of their own age or interests. It is clear in the few times that I have watched the whole teleschool effort from across the room that the solution being applied is more homework, less instruction.

So I had the kids for Thanksgiving dinner and they stayed until Friday afternoon. Thus, I got to practice the only Chemistry that I can do anymore, and that is cooking. As usual I prepared a turkey (herb seasoning, butter, onion and bell pepper and sausage filled the inside of the bird) with mashed potatoes, stuffing, glazed carrots, rolls, cranberry sauce and apple pie for desert. For some reason, we were not in the mood for pumpkin pie.

Thanksgiving 2020.

As usual, I opened a bottle of red wine for my Thanksgiving meal. The kids had soda.

Son and I played video games and a few hands of GO FISH. Daughter was in a vegetative state in her room, watching videos and doing some art work. They both keep in touch with friends by texting. Even I keep tabs on daughter, not by going up the stairs to her room, but by texting or FaceTime. Technology has embellished our ability to be lazy. Black Friday was not spent in the store. It was in front of the computer. What to get the kids for the holiday coming up?

We had to venture out a couple of times to feed Ruby. A welcome respite from house arrest. Beyond that, I think we all just took it easy and did those things that keep us sane. Burned out by the COVID19 changes in our daily lives, we need a return to normal.

As I write this, Christmas is just 27 days away…

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Reflections on the daily routine

It’s the weekend and I found myself lying in bed contemplating a great many things. Between what I wanted to do this Sunday: the need to do laundry, clean the house, go for a hike, write a post for this blog read, rest, recharge my batteries, etc versus what I was able to accomplish Saturday: a hike, electing to be a couch potato and do absolutely nothing. So much to do, so little time to do it. What is my path for this weekend and will it be the same, or will it be different than previous weekends?

Sunrise…somewhere near Santa Fe and posted on the internet (https://santafe.org/blog/painted-skies-are-perfectly-santa-fe/).

I found it to be early, around 1:30 in the morning as I was lying in bed. I had gone to bed about 9:30 that Saturday evening. My typical routine of late when it comes to recharging my batteries. The bedtime routine starts with a text to the kids, who are with their mother this weekend. Just letting them know that I love them and miss them. Often I find myself in a somber mood after I send this text. If they are with me, I make it a point to kiss them good night and remind them to brush their teeth. For me, it is then to my room to brush the teeth, jump on the scale and lament that I cannot loose weight, recall if I took my meds, drink a tall glass of water. I crawl into bed after getting Jewel situated. Start some music on the iPad. Asleep within minutes. It is hotter than normal this time of year in New Mexico. Yet it must be too hot for her, and as she has done of late, Jewel jumps down from the bed and returns to her dog bed in the living room. Not sure if it is cooler, but what it usually means is that at some point in the night, I will be awakened by a whimpering, growling and barking dog who wants me to pick her up and return her to the bed. Wind appears to be picking up this evening. Wonder how many pine cones have fallen in the driveway that I will now have to pick up. Lack of the daily summer monsoons has left the state in need for water. We find ourselves again in a drought situation. Fire restrictions in the forests. Summer again finds itself with limited prospects of camping, and the ever important campfire.

COVID19 continues to keep things muted in terms of a return to normalcy. With this being the fourth month of the new normal, I find the routine outlined above to be my new normal, almost each and every night. I go to bed about 9:30, and find myself awakened after four to five hours of sleep. I lie their, contemplating the day before, what is in store for the next day, what is it about work, about life, finances, my surroundings. Often these thoughts keep me awake until I drag myself out of bed to begin the day. Very seldom do I find myself falling back to sleep. Over the years, I have found it difficult to function during the day if I fall back to sleep.

In one way or another, this has been my sleep cycle for over 40 years. College, graduate school, whatever. Four to five hours of sleep. That is not to say that I never sleep longer. It is my normal. Never the normal six, seven, or eight hours of sleep that other people get. In the past, when I was up by 3:30, it was the same. Shower, coffee, take Jewel for a morning walk around the block. This

Jewel on our typical morning walk.

Sunday was just like every other day. Nothing in the routine has changed. On those days where I went to work, I would find myself at work between five or six am, starting what was typically a ten to twelve hour day. Working at home with the COVID19 restrictions has not changed that routine much, if at all. Still have time for the morning coffee cabal, even if it is by text messages. Over the past few years, I have vowed an end to the twelve hour day. It all pays the same. This is especially true with the working at home over the past few months. Over the years, I have found it important to leave work AT work and NEVER take it home. Now that I am working from home, at least half time, this NECESSITY is harder to implement.

Somewhere in the typical Sunday routine, I like to find myself reading. As I do enough reading at work, I crave to learn or to entertain myself on the weekends. Whether it is a book, a newspaper, websites, other blogs, I find this another necessity. In fact, when I crawled out of bed this morning, I found myself revisiting those blogs that I found to be my financial favorites. Of late, I find myself starting over financially after the divorce, or at least I feel that way. That does not mean that at age 59-plus that I will have to work when I am 72 in order to retire. That portion of my financial picture is looking good, even with the market volatility caused by COVID19. As my employment situation finds me with a pension, and a healthy 401k on top, my portfolio mix appears to have been able to weather most of the current ups and downs. As I review some of the old financial blog haunts, I come across an old posting on Get Rich Slowly (www.getrichslowly.org). The posting deals with the three questions about life planning. I find myself contemplating this almost all of the time. I have worked hard to keep the financial house in order, but it clearly needs some spring cleaning, some new paint, and there are cracks in the sidewalk.

The article focuses on life planning, which should be viewed as the “human side of financial planning”. It’s basic premise is what are my goals as I stroll along the road of life. In some ways, this blog was my attempt to see what is in store for me over the next 50 years…

For me, this is a work in progress. I am an older baby boomer and a single parent trying to raise two teenage children. As for me, I am trying to figure out what the next 50+ years has in store for me. Please come along for the ride, and come back often. We will not be taking daily trips, but I will try to write often.

TheMcKeeSpot

Every area of life is a path defined by goals. Whether they are personal, financial, career, or other. Goals need to be stated, defined, specific, have a deadline, and define the path (or paths) necessary to achieve the goal. Whether it is finding myself lying in bed and contemplating a great many things: what will I do Sunday in order to make it different from Saturday, trying to figure out what the next 50+ years has in store for me, to will my financial picture today, that I have crafted over the past 30 years, with its own ups and downs, allow me to have the life that I want to achieve?

Yesterday I hiked a small portion of the Mitchell Trail above Los Alamos. The last time that I hiked it was before the Cerro Grande Fire. It was different. It was good.

After that article, I start rereading older posts from the same site, and the posts of others who write about the same or similar things. At one time, I kept a journal of sorts. I documented the plans, how I was doing in terms of achieving goals, whether I was on the correct road. Somewhere I stopped doing those things. I think that it was that somewhere in which I lost a great many things and that I now find myself returning to such efforts. Much of my thinking is associated with my locus of control. Locus of control is described as how people view the world around them, where people place the responsibility of what happens in their lives. It’s the difference in people: how reactive people act versus how proactive people react. Somewhere, my path shifted. At one time I was proactive, then I shifted to being reactive. And now I want to shift back to proactive. It is a difference in what is my circle of concern versus what is my circle of control. It is clearly the frustration and funk that I have written about in past ramblings. It is my contemplation of trying to tie everything together. For what purpose is unclear.

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People

I started writing this post several months ago. Put it on the back burner as I got tied up with other things. Distractions, work, my ongoing frustration and funk. Fascination about the third President of the United States. The unabomber and Henry David Thoreau. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Pearl Jam and Bob Dylan.

Now I come back to it during the COVID19 stay-at-home situation. I actually spent the morning in my office. TRUE. I went to work. I have been able to go there over the whole stay-at-home ordeal, if only for a few hours. Quite deserted, but on occasion, I would see colleagues that I work with. Face-to-face is so much better than over the telephone. It certainly is better with my kids. It is certainly better with people.

I will probably never understand people. I know that I may not be the easiest person to talk to. I am an introvert. I have no problem doing things on my own, exploring, hiking, going to the movies or museums. I do not do well in terms of making small talk, either in groups, or one-on-one. I tend to keep to myself. My communication skills are not polished. I deal with it and at different times I have tried to improve upon those skills. But I can still “um” right up there with the best of them. I hope to improve my writing skills through this blog.

Don’t get me wrong. On most days I don’t hate people. Well OK, on some days I might. On other days there are people who I will never like. So does my personality type influence people that I interact with, whether it is my coworkers or my friends? Are the people with whom I met over the years friends or acquaintances? Or are we like ships that pass in the night, forgotten or a desire never to meet again?

An article in Inc. ( https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/psychologists-say-there-are-5-personality-types-heres-how-to-tell-which-one-you-.html ) tells us that there are five personality types according to psychologists. One’s personality influences everything from the friends we choose to the candidates we vote for. Many people never really spend much time thinking about personality traits. I’m guessing that includes me. Understanding my personality can give me insight into my strengths and weaknesses, and that it can also help me gain insight into how others see me. Does it also help me understand others? Is this why some people are dog lovers and others are cat lovers, and there are others who like all animals. I’m in the dog-lover (and horse-lover) camp. OK son, I also like Johnnie the hamster.

At this point, I would venture off and talk about how this article ties into this posting. But as I researched the personality types, I found different types have been qualified and quantified. One article talks about four different types. Another talks about eight. Another has three, then there are seven, eleven, and twenty. Do I hear nine, fifteen, thirty-one?

This article from Northwestern suggests that there are four ( https://www.haaretz.com/science-and-health/there-are-only-four-types-of-people-psychologists-say-based-on-new-data-1.6489904 ). The four are: average, reserved, self-centered and role model. Another article ( https://www.today.com/health/personality-types-average-self-centered-role-model-or-reserved-t137902 ) quoted the same Northwestern study and provided more detail that the groupings make more sense. This article was altogether confusing because it went back-and-forth between personality types and personality traits. People fall into one of the four types based on how they rank on the big five personality traits: openness, agreeableness, extra version, neuroticism and contentiousness. Understanding how high or low someone ranks on each of the traits can be useful and predict things about people, such as their risk of mental illness or likelihood of divorcing.

In the end I suspect that a person’s personality is comprised of a great many types of traits. Each and every one is unique. One’s personality is comprised of a mixture of traits. Some are more pronounced than others, some are more endearing than others. I’m not a psychologist and I have already said that I do not understand people.

My spin in writing this post was going to suggest that there were only two types of people. There are people who like people regardless of their personality. The other are the people who only like themselves. Are these types, or traits? The workplace is full of different people, different personalities, different traits. How can I say this, and yet argue that there are only two types of people? Let me continue.

The genesis of the “only two types of people” was reinforced when I was walking the dog. I was thinking about the types and traits of people. Don’t you get up at 5am on a Saturday and then read obscure articles about the traits of people? Of course this was some months ago, but it is as true today as it was then. Jewel and I were about 3 miles into our walk near the East Gate dog park. I spied a former coworker, who I have known for 29 years. We worked together for about four years when I first arrived at Los Alamos. Now the lab is a big place, and we went our separate ways in terms of career, working on different projects in different parts of the laboratory. We followed different pathways, and over the years we would cross paths again at different times, albeit the interactions were very limited.

Anyway, I was walking Jewel, came across my coworker who was there with her dog. I said “hello” and she replied “hello”. I then ventured to ask “how was it going”, to which there was no reply, other than “I need to get my dog to the park to play”. No “take care”, “nice dog”, “how are you doing?”. That was it. Like two ships passing in the night.

Over the years, I have met and encountered many people. I find that I enjoy those encounters. As is often the case, people come and go. Whether those contacts continue over time is often guided by whether I liked them, or whether I felt used by them. Time causes people to drift apart. Time also allows one to to think, to reflect, to determine if it was a genuine positive experience, or was it mutual admiration, working towards a common goal, or just one of being used. It is also possible that time doesn’t leave people with the opportunity to catch up, to talk, to laugh.

In the case of the individual with whom I passed walking the dog, I immediately jumped to that type definition. I was the one who was being used. I have seen this individual use many people over the years to advance her career. We all characterize this person the same way. Those who have been able to get away have gone on to be successful. I think that I am in that category. Those who did not get away suffered, eventually leaving into obscurity. Clearly, in my opinion, this individual is self centered.

Now as the months have gone by since I started this post, I have read and reread the words that I put down. I have changed some of the sentences, added some qualifiers about today compared to several months ago to put things into context. My opinion of how I characterized the encounter has not changed, filtered through the passage of time. Still think that there are only two types of people. Weather hasn’t changed my feelings, my environment has changed since the COVID19 but that hasn’t altered my thinking about the types of people.

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…It is all a blur now

Today is April 21. I think that I have entered the 5th week of the mandated “stay-at-home” orders from our governor. I can’t be sure. It’s all a blur now. It is rumored that she plans on extending them through mid-May. As of today, the state of New Mexico has a total of 2072 cases. This represents less than 1% of the population in the state. And we have only tested about 2% of the total population in the state. Where I live, in Los Alamos County, we have 6 confirmed cases.

https://cvprovider.nmhealth.org/public-dashboard.html

I continue to work at home, often logging in as early as 5 am. It has been very problematic. The system automatically logs us out after 2 hours. For almost all of the work, I can network to the computer sitting on my desk in my office. How cool is that! It is cool. It is also stressful. I find myself working at about 50% productivity, feeling twice as stressed. Working longer days to get less done. My body aches because my work area is not economically sound.

By any measure, I feel very lucky as I see what is happening across this country. Yes I can continue to work. Yes I can continue to be paid. Yes I am thankful that myself, my children and friends and family here and elsewhere have avoided this dreaded illness. Given my age, general health and such, I certainly do not want to catch this illness. Some people have no symptoms, others fall quickly. I find myself checking all the websites. What does the Johns Hopkins map show today for the country? For the world? I check to see if the market is up, or down. How much has my 401k been decimated. Time to take your temperature again.

I make the occasional trip to the grocery store for supplies. Was able to get toilet paper this week. Many of the restaurants are open, continue to serve take out. I try my best to support them at least several times a week.

I try to continue the routine. Get up at the same time, do the same things. Go to bed at the same time. I try, but yes I can hit the snooze alarm a few more times because I don’t have as far to go to work. Jewel still gets her daily walks, but they often come later in the day to break up the monotony. We go to feed the horse, take daughter to ride. Son tries to continue Jazz Project through weekly video classes. Both kids are still at home. Schools has been cancelled for the rest of the year, but the teachers are still giving them online assignments, daily meetings, trying to stay connected.

Jewel on her daily walk. We are practicing our social distancing.

I understand the stay at home concept. Minimize interactions, practice social distancing. Wear a mask when you go out and about. But the rules are so all over the map. Grocery stores limit the number of people based on square footage and such. Outside construction. Take out food but no sit down service. Pools closed. Gyms closed. Parks open, Hiking trails open. OK I can go for awhile without a hair cut, a tattoo, getting my nails done. The casinos around the state are closed. But I can buy a lottery ticket? Gun stores closed. Hardware stores opened. Dentist no. Microbrewery no. Liquor store no. Pet store yes.

Our government has now passed three laws to help during this pandemic, a fourth is on the way. We will have spent close the $3 trillion dollars to help people who are out of work, help big and small companies stay in business, keep people for when this is over. We have about 22 million citizens out of work. Last month we had something like 164 million people employed. I see may people on edge. We are probably in a recession, if not a depression. The market has become a bear market. It will not come back right away. What took literally days and weeks to unwind, will take years to recover. I am lucky and thankful on this, the eve of my 59th birthday.

I have many questions for our leaders. Why, in a nation so rich, so prosperous, with so many intelligent people, why were we not prepared? Why did the basic necessities that we need to get through this, get outsourced to the other side of the world. Bring all of those jobs back home now. We need to invest here! We need to manufacture here! We need to understand what failed? How did we get this far, with over 40,000 deaths. This is tragic. Oh its like the flu. Flu takes months, we can test for the flue. We have a vaccine for the flu. Every year I decide whether or not to get the flu vaccine. Those years I get the vaccine, I get the flu. The years I don’t, I don’t get sick. Just lucky? I guess. Wash my hand a lot. Don’t venture out into big crowds I guess. Practice rugged individualism.

Every day I stop work to catch the President’s daily brief. Yes it is to long but I understand why he is there every day. Every day we get an update on what the government is doing, where there are problems, where there are glimmers of hope. I like it when the press ask questions that are clearly meant to make him look bad, and he puts them in their place. We can save the general politics for a future post. It is good that the more things change, the more they remain the same.

This past 5 weeks has provided me with a bit of insight into my future that I plan to venture on down the road. I have had much to ponder, much to reflect upon, which way do I turn. That part of my future is also a blur, but I can begin to see where I might be heading.

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At home. Quarantined. No school. No going to work. Life has changed.

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I had started several posts but never finished them. Much has changed since my last post.

Sadly, we are coming up on day 14 of the 15 days to slow the spread. They call it “flatten the curve”. As it is, I am starting my second week of working from home. Only so much of my job that I can do at home. Lots to do but working on things, trying to access my work computer from home has been difficult.

For the kids, the school year has been cancelled. In New Mexico, we have 208 positive cases out of 10,977 total test as of the latest information on the New Mexico health website. I am sure that the numbers will only increase. At present, no one in Los Alamos County has tested positive, but several people in every county surrounding us has tested positive. It’s just a matter of time I am afraid. But I fear that there will be a rush to return and that will only make things worse. We have been instructed to work from home in order to limit the number of people at work. Well if you cram four to five to ten people per office, the outcome will not be good. Some people have been designated as essential to the national security mission. So for them, work continues. I don’t like to be considered “non essential”!

Yes we will pay in terms of our economy in the short term, but the longer term and many unnecessary lives is not worth it.

Even if you are young, or otherwise healthy, you are at risk and your activities can increase the risk for others. It is crucial that you do your part to slow the spread of the Coronavirus.

The only times we head outside is either out for food, to the grocery store, to walk the dog, or to the stables to feed the horse. Have plenty of supplies in terms of food. Dreary Sunday morning. Ruby is fine.

Ruby at feeding Sunday morning, March 29, 2020.

Spend lots of time reading things on Facebook. Whether it is posts from friends who are similarly locked up inside, or the news spinets that are for or against the President, we all have to pull together to beat this illness.

I find this interesting in a scientific way. Several times a day, I venture to see the updates on the Johns Hopkins website ( https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html ). It saddens me that it is a scoreboard,

From https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html

much like when I turn to CNBC to catch the daily scoreboard of the stock market. Certainly have taken a hit as far as my retirement accounts, but that will recover over time, just like we will recover over time from this illness.

It’s times like these that make me ponder, make reflect, about what are the best things in my life. Family. My kids. This adventure of mine that will soon surpass 59 years on this planet.

I do not have the illness, not that I have been tested. I find myself checking my temperature several times a day. Wash my hands frequently. Drink lots of fluids. However, those damn seasonal allergies make people look at you if you are in the store and sneeze, cough, blow your nose, or look sullen around the eyes.

Soon, this too shall pass, and our lives will return to some semblance of normalcy. I am sure that the dog would like to have her days of peace and quite.

Jewel sitting still for a moment.

Don’t forget to fill out your Census 2020 forms. I did. Every ten years we count the number of Americans, well at least we try…Until then. Everyone stay safe, hug your family, and be careful.

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End of the year 2019

Twice this week I had the intention of writing several posts since I have been off for about a week now. Historically, the lab closes between Christmas and New Year’s, so the week is one without work and vacation is taken to compensate my lack of salary. Aside from the normal days that I was required to take off (paid as in vacation or unpaid as in leave without pay), an additional day of vacation gets me two weeks off. Not a bad deal if one plans accordingly.

So here I sit New Years Eve 2019 (6am December 31 to be exact) and contemplate the good, the bad, and the ugly of 2019 and ponder what 2020 may have in store for me.

See the source image
Yes, I borrowed this image from the internet. Source: https://the2020deadline.twinsystems.com/
Adequate image of the road I am still taking.

Work was rather stressful for me this year. More so than in past years. Still doing the same thing, but management sucks. They don’t have a clue about what they need to do to get things done. Spend too much time planning, developing schedules, tracking costs and performance. I literally sit in several hour-long meetings each week tracking where we were, where we are going. Why did this take twice as long? Why was this not completed on Tuesday? We need more resources? We cannot process x until y and z is finished, but z will take new work procedures and set us back weeks. Team BLAH BLAH BLAH failed to do this task last month, they had 6 months to complete it. This list of excuses goes on and on. The accomplishments become fewer. Over the past 40 days of planned work, I think we actually managed to be productive for 8 of those days. More difficult these days to pull rabbits out of my hat…they usually are pulled from my ass! Requirements not met, equipment not available, resources pulled for higher priority tasks, so and so called in sick. I find myself enjoying it less and less. YES, I actually still enjoy my job and even though the bull shit has increased exponentially, I still get some satisfaction when even the smallest task is accomplished. More often than not, I now just put in my time, get stuff done and just collect the paycheck. That said, it is clear that the return from investment continues to decrease. One puts in more time and gets less and less done. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM WORKING 60, 70, OR EVEN 80 HOURS A WEEK, like I did when I was younger. It means that it takes two, three, four times as long to get things done. In scheduling, I call that the pi factor. If the task duration is 1 day, I multiply the duration by pi (3.14159). Such a nerd I can be at times. And even that creates a “success-oriented schedule” that usually fails. Funk and frustration redux…

An anniversary of sorts happened before the holiday’s. I celebrated my 29th anniversary working at the lab. I guess that you can say that over my 58 years, I have lived in this area of the country (New Mexico) the most. Pennsylvania comes in second, living 18 years near Lewistown, PA. Happy Anniversary.

With that milestone comes the obvious. What are my plans for the future? Should I retire? Can I retire? When will I retire? Do I have enough money saved in order to retire? What does it mean to retire? Where do I see myself over the next 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? Where will I live? Will I just make that change and go do something totally different.

By many analyses, I am expected to live at least another 20 years, which would mean that I would live until I am 78. Advances in medicine and such could tack on another 5 years. Of course all of this depends on how health I am currently. Have I taken care of myself? Are their things in my family history or how I currently live that could adjust that? Hell, I could die in a car crash tomorrow and never see my 59th birthday. I don’t exercise enough? I don’t drink enough red wine? I am considered obese yet managed to lose and keep off 15 pounds this year. My blood pressure is under control with medication, but my doctor thinks I need to look at my sleep habits. No thanks. I have survived 40 years sleeping on average 4 hours a night. And yes, I have read that 7 is the preferred number of hours of sleep required to be healthy. The whole concept of life expectancy, health and actuarial tables is interesting, yet at the same time somewhat morbid. Given all of that, I have planned to lived until I am 92. That is another 34 years, minimum.

Maybe I should write a “year in review” post. What did I accomplish in the past year? What did I write about during the course of this year but need to update? Did I ever finish reading “Atlas Shrugged”? Well that is an easy one to answer. My copy has 1168 pages and I am on page 90. So NO, I have not finished the book that I have started to read thrice before. I seem to stop reading at about 120 pages and so, the copy that I purchased in the summer of 2011 has some wear and tear, but remains unfinished. Should I make this a New Year’s resolution for 2020? I do need to spend more time reading.

I am never very good in the resolutions. Every year it is the same. Eat better, exercise more, spend less. Stop and smell the roses. Reduce the clutter in my house. Am I still in the rut that has plagued me and that I have written about in the past? Is my frustration and funk continuing into 2020? If I had my magic 8 ball, what would it say? “All signs point to yes”? There is another thing to contemplate. How is my mental health and how does that interact with life expectancy. Stress is not a good thing. What can I do to reduce or relieve my stress?

I am a single (divorced) white male with a dog. I have read that that divorce and male are bad in terms of life expectancy, but having a dog is good. I take dog for walk, and so I get some exercise. Jewel likes her walks and gets upset when we don’t go for a walk each and every day. That too is good, except for it being 6:30 in the morning and single digits outside like today. Snow on the ground. It is cold, there is some wind, and I have been stuck in the house for the past few days, screaming at the TV about bad officiating in several football games. OHIO STATE WAS ROBBED by bad officiating in their game.

Staying inside has other bad effects. I eat too much, don’t get enough exercise, and BAM! Put on a few pounds. Eat, drink and be merry. Get an exercise bike and set it in the living room. Read, watch TV and exercise at the same time. Unfortunately I eat too much because I try my hand at cooking. It is the only Chemistry that I perform these days. One of the posts that I had contemplated over the past week was on cooking, complete with before and after photo’s. Last night I made sausage, fennel and pasta. Over the years I have diverged

See the source image
Looks what I made last night, except I did not have any grated cheese to finish it off. Yes, I borrowed this picture as well, from https://www.finecooking.com/recipe/penne-with-sausage-fennel-and-pecorino. The recipe is close to what I use, except for the quantity of ingredients.

somewhat from the recipe. I add my own proportions of the ingredients. Equal amounts of fennel and onion. More than what is typically called for in the recipe, but not too much. Typically one fennel bulb (large) and one medium white onion. I love to cook with onions. Diced tomato instead of tomato paste. It was good, and with control, I have enough to last for several meals for myself. The kids don’t care for it. Even though it is made with love, it takes time. Processed food is easier to prepare. One can Kraft Mac and Cheese between commercials. But processed foods I read are not good for you. BTW, Mac and Cheese is good with Hatch Green Chile (and so are cheesy grits). Have not added green chile to this recipe yet. Red pepper works fine to add heat.

I could probably go on and on. But I will end it here. Let’s say good bye to 2019 and hello to 2020. No resolutions agreed upon, or posted, written down, placed on FaceBook. Just try and live every day to its fullest. Hoping that tomorrow is better than yesterday.

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Frustration and a funk

FRUSTRATION – the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of the inability to change or achieve something.

FUNK – a state of depression. The dumps. The doldrums.

It has been about ten days since my last post to The McKeeSpot. Of late, I have found myself in a funk, frustrated with work, frustrated with myself and where I am in my life. Over the years I often find myself looking internally over time. It’s always good to evaluate life, identify opportunities to grow, to change. Decisions made, questioning and reflection.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/path-less-traveled_n_3732398

This frustration and funk has led to a haze where I think of a subject for the blog, start to jot down a few lines, but I simply could not complete the thought. It was not coherent, cohesive, or even interesting. This funk has lasted for awhile over the past few weeks, and to varying degrees. I still like my job, overall. Great people. Everyday is a new challenge. However of late, I find it more and more difficult to go to work everyday. Not great in starting my day as a cremudgeon. Overall my health is good, I am at good point in my life. Am I being accurate? Truthful?

It often overshadows my morning meetings and coffee cabel.

I see elements of this frustration and funk everyday at work. I am taking longer to complete work products, reviews, documents. Earlier this year I developed a presentation to introduce new and young staff on the project I manage. It was well received. However, putting that presentation into an article that can be published has advanced slowly over the past several months. Why is that? Too much work, too little time, too many demands on my time, striving for perfection, details that need to be reviewed, tested and implemented. I see lots of anger in the words that I have drafted for the paper. That anger is the closest that I have come to express my frustration with work.

These details exist across the program, across the multiple work products, across my coworkers. I sense that I am not alone in these issues at work. Management fails to see it, comment on it, assist in reducing it. There may be part of the problem.

Could it be that I have done a poor job evaluating my life, opportunities to grow, to change? Have I ignored the signs that could have led me in another direction? Is it that I never experienced a mid-life crisis? Are past decisions coming back to nag my subconscious? I am keeping it to myself, keeping it internalized isn’t a better situation.